Respecting Preferences Not Just Needs

A young woman I supported was described in her Behaviour Support Plan as “avoiding social activity.” Staff had tried for months to encourage her into community outings, but every time she was invited to go shopping, to the movies, or to a busy café, she refused. On paper, it looked like social withdrawal.

A risk of harm. Something to be “managed.”

But then someone finally asked her directly:

“What do you actually want to do?”

Her answer was simple.

“I like the library. I just don’t like shopping centres.”

It wasn’t social avoidance at all. It was preference. She didn’t feel comfortable in loud, crowded, overstimulating spaces. But she loved quiet environments where she could explore books, choose what interested her, and feel in control of her time.

When the team shifted the outings to reflect her preference, everything changed. She started saying yes. She looked forward to outings. Her confidence grew. She initiated conversations about the books she’d found. She wasn’t avoiding life, she was living it, just in her own way.

That’s the thing about Positive Behaviour Support. It’s not always about needs versus behaviours. Sometimes it’s as simple as honouring preferences.

Because when we respect what someone enjoys, not just what we think they should do, we don’t just reduce “behaviours.” We build trust, dignity, and genuine quality of life.